Category Archives: Thoughts

To my friend …

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I don’t believe it’s true. Even with the evidence in front of me and the pounding headache that tells me that I’m awake and not dreaming, I still don’t believe it’s real.

You were a good person. You were generous, you were kind, you cared deeply about the people in your life. You loved seeing your friends happy – even if it meant driving an hour and a half  out of your way to get the best ice cream in CT.

Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for the memories. I am sad that you’ve left us, but you’re in a place where there is no more pain, and for that I am thankful.

dannyandi

We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

On Chivalry

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It is a rare breed of men who will treat all persons in a gentlemanly fashion. Whether it be holding a door, offering to help with bags or even being assertive about doing something for someone; more and more finding a person like this is a rarity.

I wonder, why is this so?

Five Things (2)

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Can you believe it’s already February? January was so busy for me it seemed to fly by; and there have been so many changes in 31 days that 2013 is turning into a mini whirlwind. But, with the wind there have been little quiet moments that I am grateful for, so, today’s five things feature on the quietness (and fun-ness) of friendships.  

— Thing One —

Mondays get a bad rep, they are the first day of the work week, the weekend is still fresh in our minds causing the next weekend to seem so far away. However, I’ve found that Mondays can be fun when you have something to look forward to, and having some plans (or spontaneous movie outings) on Mondays made them, well, fun days! =D

Also, any day is amazing with good and cheap food. The Hummus Place is wonderful!  I absolutely loved it and since having some hummus there  I find that I really want to go back … soon!

Tomorrow I’m looking forward to another fun day, where I’ll be having tea with an old workmate! Bring it Monday!

— Thing Two —

I went wedding dress shopping with J; and WOW, what an process! Going to appointments, trying on tons of dresses to find the right style, dealing with pushy sales people – or none existent ones – how do brides deal with this? Wedding dress shopping is anything but quiet, but when you see your friend picking out THE dress for her big day, well, it’s definitely something special. I’m so happy that I got the chance to share in this special moment.

— Thing Three —

Which leads me to thing three! Girly time!! I grew up among a lot of guys. It’s not that difficult being friends with guys. Like the same things, talk about those things and you’re pretty much golden. So it took me a while to develop decent female friendships because females like to talk about topics that guys don’t necessarily sit around chatting about for more than a minute. Females tend to dissect a topic, dig deeper into it, and all of this is done over appetizers.

The female friends that I have are all brilliant! I just loved the time I got to spend with so many of them in January. Hanging out, talking about life, sharing intimate details and desires, it’s really wonderful and refreshing 🙂

Also, I do love the way our conversation has evolved over the years, from school and assignments to more grown-up things. I also love the topics that haven’t really changed over the years – will we ever understand boys enough to stop discussing and dissecting them? “So every time I turned around he was standing next to me, regardless of where in the room I was, yet he didn’t introduce himself or talk to me? What’s up with that?”

— Thing Four —

I’ve always been a fan of board games. Growing up, I’d play them with aunts and uncles from time to time; one of the favourites was Pay Day. When you have the right set of people and a fun board game, time seems to fly by.

It was a busy week leading up to MLK day, and even busier weekend. Unexpectedly so, since I double booked the weekend then had to do the most uncomfortable task of canceling and rebooking. When Monday came around, I wanted to lay in bed all day and do nothing. But, I am so happy that I got myself up and out of my house to M&J’s place for some board games! I think my friends are the right group of people for playing games; Clue and Electronic Monopoly have never been so fantastic on a wintry day!

— Thing Five —

January ended with an old schoolmate, visiting from Guyana. We went to Tea & Sympathy, watched Warm Bodies – I have no idea what genre THAT movie falls into – and then hung out in Barnes and Noble.

One of the things we did in B&N was read children’s books. I pulled out all of the books that I found entertaining and made her read them; it was fun! There is something about children’s books – especially great ones – that make me smile. I love the quirky ones and the ones with really great art. The next time you’re in a B&N go to the shelves and read a few medalists, I promise you that you’ll leave with a smile on your face.

~ * ~

Five Things (1)

Posted in Ballet, Cultured, Thoughts by

Oftentimes it’s difficult for me to keep resolutions because, despite the plotting and scheming to get things done, the change I want is frequently so tremendous that I become disillusioned when I can’t obtain my goal (or close to my goal) within 30 days.

I want to say that I will blog more, that I will talk more about what I observe in the city I call home, but the truth is, I don’t like sharing my thoughts and emotions with everyone. Blogging will always be difficult because of this; while I love the idea of the world wide web and the connectivity we have online, I will always prefer the casual anonymity of being a browsing wallflower.

In an attempt to write more and be more thoughtful and expressive, I’ve decided to start with a small step in blogging – I will record 5 things. And, keeping with small steps, these 5 things do not have to be recorded every week, but, I must records 5 things at least once a month. I’d like the things to be positive things, because life is too short to settle on the negatives. Maybe they’ll be things of interest to me, I don’t know what they will be, the only thing they cannot be is negative.

So … without further ado, here are five things.

— Thing One —

After the downer called 2012, the year started off on a great note when, while texting that my service ended late and that I would probably be heading home, I found out that my friend proposed and his girl said yes! It was such great news to hear at the onset of a new year. Thankfully I got to see them for a bit and express the full extent of my excitement for them.

— Thing Two —

I saw a swift answer to a prayer. Without getting into too much details online (but, you can ask me about it offline, I’d love to share), I found myself in a tough situation and I sent up a desperate cry for help and it came, in the form I requested. It was just the boost I needed and I’m thankful for the reminder of the all-knowing God that I serve.

— Thing Three —

Earlier this week I went to Carnegie Hall for the first time. I am constantly astonished by the culture that oozes out of the pores of New York City. Where else can I see Wicked on Broadway, then take a train north to the Met and then go a bit west to find Lincoln Center and see an Opera? I love that it’s brimming with art in its many forms.

I am often surprised by the inner workings of humans as expressed through the things they build so, when John and Hank Green were hosting a Night of Awesome at Carnegie Hall, I hopped online to get a ticket. They entertained a sold out hall, just two brothers from the middle of nowhere, one a bestselling author and the other an internet intellect. Both brothers started a community called Nerdfighters through their Vlogbrother YouTube channel.

Now, before you think that this is too geeky for your tastes, the core message of the Vlogbrothers is being true to yourself. I would rather my teenagers watch their channels as opposed to the constant barrage of low level entertainment that forces them to be something they are not – to confirm to a societal norm. The fact that they sold out Carnegie Hall is astounding in and of itself. This means that there are enough young people in New York City (and those who have access to NYC) who have been influenced by these guys, enough to sell out Carnegie Hall. For me, this is mind-boggling.

These guys are the influencers you want to pay attention to.

— Thing Four —

On the same vein of expression in arts, I also saw a ballet at Lincoln Center this week! They were presenting Tchaikovsky/Balanchine pieces. Tchaikovsky is a great composer who composed the famous Swan Lake piece and Balanchine is a famed choreographer. I actually read the biography of Gelsey Kirkland, Dancing on My Grave, for a Ballet class that I took in college, and since then, I’ve always been interested in George Balanchine pieces.

It was a beautiful night, first they did a shorter version of Swan Lake, the ballerina was amazing and I was very impressed with her cavalier. The second piece was the  Allegro Brillante, the lighting on this piece was pretty neat and I loved the costumes on this piece the most. Finally they performed to Suite no. 3. During this piece there was a little fumble, a company dancer got in the way of the male principle and I thought, for a moment, that they were about to do a lift (which was confusing as I’ve never seen a female lift a male). However, they had a speedy recovery and the show carried on.

Overall, it was a wonderful experience. I’m such a fangirl of the Lincoln Center, I love the complex, love the theater, love every bit!

— Thing Five —

Another yes! Or two! This weekend has been packed with surprises and proposals! First, my lovely friend, J, was proposed to on Friday night. Then, on Saturday I found out a college friend proposed to his girlfriend, only to discover that the girl was a friend from my old High School in Guyana. This world is such a small one! Overall, a wonderful end to a lovely week.

Well, that’s five, it’s late and I’m falling asleep…

~ * ~

The Year of Tears and Heartbreak

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I had big plans, I wanted to do things, to go places, learn things … I made a list or two.

Sometimes things don’t always work out the way you imagined them, sometimes life surprises you and the only thing you can do is deal with it. Roll with the punches. Make lemonade.

In 2012, I wore sorrow like a cloak.

The year started on a low note as sickness festered close to home. Next came the incident* and with that it seemed the tone was set for the year; 2012 will become the year of tears and heartbreak.

I shared in the sorrow of a broken heart, feeling useless and ill-equipped, with only phrases like “it will get better” to offer as comfort. If I could have taken my friend’s pain away with the right words, I would have. Sometimes words are inadequate, but sometimes they are all I have to offer.

Next, Death visited our family, leaving a feeling of vulnerability. We are getting older. We will not live forever. I thought of my parents, they will not live forever. And as though it wanted to make sure we knew it meant business, I will never forget the thirty minutes I spent, driving home, uncontrollable tears streaming down my cheeks. Thirty minutes where I begged God for healing, chanting “please, please, please…” until I couldn’t anyone.

That night was the darkest night of the year, surrounded by family but feeling alone. Alone. Another lemon, another punch in the gut.

Just when things were getting back to normal, just when I thought that life was settling into its usual schedule, Sandy came. Sandy was not like Irene. Irene rattled our windows a bit, but Sandy crippled us and many are still rebuilding. While my home might be OK, others are not. The house that we came to call “Grandma’s house” (though grandma isn’t the only one that lives there) was flooded and repairs are ongoing. Will this bad year ever end? I can’t possible drink all this lemonade**.

This year sucked. It was the suckiest year in the history of my 30 years on earth, and I’ve had some sucky years. 2012 made me feel sad, insignificant and alone. It made me feel helpless to the point where I just wanted to stay in my room and flick through Tumblr, or browse the interwebs – anything to distract myself, really. But through it all I also feel ridiculously blessed and that’s all because of my family and friends.

The faith that I saw in the actions and words of family members going through tough times, the concern and love shown by friends who took the time to find out if everything was OK, who reached out with words of encouragement and prayers, who brought cupcakes … these will stick with me. These pull me away from the distractions. These stand out like beacons of light. These pockets of happiness were my strength.

2012 is drawing to an end. This is the last day. It’s almost over. Soon I’ll be able to say, “I made it!! I survived 2012!”. I have a lot of lemons, they are in this bucket and I have a makeshift lemon-catapult. I’m ready, 2013; I’ve had enough of your lemons, life, I’m ready to chuck it back.

—*—

* The incident isn’t a secret, but for reasons I cannot say, I cannot discuss it online. oOOoOOh vague statement is vague.

** There were so many other bad things that happened, but I don’t want this post to be a downer. However, I just wanted to state that everything that I went through this year affected my life in some way and I’m still thinking and praying about them (and for the others also affected).