Category Archives: Thoughts

Five Things (4)

Posted in Bookish, Broadway, Plateful, Thoughts by

We are in the fourth month of the year 2013. Spring has officially begun, but Mother Nature didn’t get the memo. I’m thinking we need to rename the seasons, there is Fall from November to January and then Winter from February to April. May is Spring, June/July is summer and everything else is a sort of muggy uncertainty.

Enough with the weather, that universal topic of conversation; it’s time to talk about FIVE THINGS!

— Thing One —

I love Broadway, so I try to go to a show at least once a year (or more). 2013 started off with Rock of Ages, and it was wonderful! I would recommend this show to anyone – it’s electric!

— Thing Two —

I love getting together in small, intimate groups with friends, especially friends that I consider dear to my heart. This past month I got to hang out with some of my old workmates who are dear friends of mine. We met at someone’s house and spent the day around the table, having brunch then supper and talking about life, work and babies! I think I’m going to pass on the babies! haha

Since it was a brunch get together, we each made dishes and I decided to try a recipe that I found on Pinterest. I’ve done a few successful ones and some not so successful ones, my fave being the Personal Lasagna Rolls, but ever since I started my “Delightful Dishes” board, I’ve always wanted to try the French Toast Bake. So, after some consideration, I made it for brunch and, I have to say, it was DELICIOUS! Instead of brown sugar, I only had white sugar in the house, so I added some molasses (yeah, we have that and not brown sugar) and it gave the base a sort of pancake syrupy taste. Of course one serving was about 500 calories, but, hey, it’s the weekend, I can let my hair down (and loosen the belt).

shanella_frenchtoast

Other such intimate hangouts included time spent with three other ladies, one who I haven’t seen in a loooong time due to time and distance. That was an awesome evening, I started out hanging with C and we talked about a ton of things and I shared some funny (and disturbing) stories about men, that I was experiencing at the time. Watch this space for a detailed post in a month or so. (hehehe)

Then spending the night at the movies with my soon-to-be-published cousin A.J., watching Jack the Giant Slayer and making fun of the predictable plot. I don’t usually talk during movies in cinemas, but when there aren’t many people there it really is a lot of fun laughing and talking about what’s going to happen next. So predictable.

Then this past Sunday there was a spontaneous Sunday lunch (well I had two lunches, like a hobbit) because I was missing some faces, but only lunch #1 was considered intimate. Large gathering does have it’s time and place as well.

— Thing Three —

Girl Scout Cookies!!!!! The Girl Scouts know about demand and supply. I can’t tell you the number of cookies I’ve consumed in the past two weeks … I’m ashamed to count them! But those Thin Mints and Tagalongs are just SO GOOD!

Just the other day I was on my way to the threading salon where I passed a group of Girl Scouts strategically located right outside of the salon, I was going to purchase 1 box of Thin Mints, but ended up purchasing 2 boxes of Thin Mints and 1 box of Tagalongs. I’m a little tempted to buy a bunch and hoard them, but I’m afraid that might lead to the over-consumption of cookies over the span of a few hours.

— Thing Four —

This might have been my first bookish event this year – I’m slacking, I know! I saw Andrew Jenks, Alaya Dawn Johnson and Eireann Corrigan. I wrote a bit about the event on my book blog, so you can check it out there if you’re interested (and see photos from the event).

— Thing Five —

Finally, The Good and Beautiful God book club met for the second time a few weeks ago. I love reading and discussing books with others, it really does amaze me how two people, reading the same text, can find different insights. I love the sharing of inspiration and ideas that come out from the text. I also love how everyone reads differently and react differently to the text. Discussing books shows me how diverse our world is, I absolutely love it!

shanella_hitechlotech

~ * ~

On that Saturday …

Posted in Religious Musings, Thoughts by

I went to a Good Friday service that was a little different from ones I’ve been to before. The sanctuary was dark, except for the flickering of candles in the front and around the floor. They read scripture and sang songs about Jesus’ final hours on earth. Participation wasn’t in the doing, but in the observation – in the experience. It was a somber affair. I was sad.

I have been sad all week. There was a heaviness weighing on my heart and I couldn’t seem to shake it. As I sat in the service I lifted it up, but over and over again I was reminded of the fact that what I was going through, the sadness, the heartbrokenness, Christ went through it a million times more. The more I thought of it the more I started to picture and wonder about those last hours.

How deep was the rejection, when God turned his back away? It sliced through my heart; any rejection I feel or have felt, will never compare to the rejection that Jesus felt that afternoon when God could no longer look at him, when the father turned his face away from his son. Sitting there I imagined the pain, he must have felt as he experienced, for the first time, what we have to live with because of sin. The agony that he felt, I cannot express.

I thought about the disciples, the people who followed Jesus. How did they feel? How did they feel to see the person whom they believed to be God, whom they believed will bring the kingdom of God to earth, how did they feel to see him crucified? Maybe some of them felt disappointed. Maybe some of them felt like they were betrayed, like the wool was pulled over their eyes. Perhaps some felt like the rug was yanked out from under their feet and they were free-falling into an abyss of uncertainty.

Then what happened when they laid him in the tomb? What emotions were they experiencing when they spent that entire Saturday wondering if they would be next. Wondering if people would accuse them and crucify them. Did they question? Did they shed tears? Did they talk about what it was like when he was alive?

A heaviness must have filled them, a coldness that permeated from their heart and flowed through their veins, filling their body with dread.

In light of all these things I felt small. THIS is how it feels to be disconnected, to be separated from the one you love, the one you trust, the one you felt like you knew inside and out. I was overwhelmed.

I think it’s important to remember this feeling; the feeling of loss and despair – of hopelessness. I think it’s important because it makes what happens next even more extraordinary…

~ * ~

Where am I from?

Posted in Thoughts by

A few weeks ago, a workmate was showing me this awesome app that helped trace his family genealogy back for generations. I mentioned to him in passing that I thought it was a great app and that I wished I could do the same, but where I’m from, we don’t have such well-kept records and my history ends in some form of slavery or indentureship. 

A few days ago I was reading a book that begun with the protagonist tracing her ancestry and finding some interesting information about her family. 

Today, I was eating with some friends and mentioned that I was “1/8th black” and was explaining how my great grand on my mom’s side was black and thus the 1/8th. I was asked where my ancestors came from and I replied, in a flippant way, that my ancestors were slaves and indentured immigrants, I don’t really know where exactly they came from. This is partially true, and though I made it a joke, the seriousness of the claim did not escape me. 

I say it’s partially true because I know that most of the slaves to the Caribbean probably came from West Africa, and most of the Indian indentured immigrants probably came from Hindi speaking regions in India. In the case of slavery, many people were captured from warring tribes or traders who sold them to the Europeans. They were transported to the Caribbean and became the property of the plantation owners. Their identity was lost. 

In the case of the indentured servant, many of them came over in hopes of making a better life, only to be forced into another form of enslavement, barely making enough to get back home. Their identity was lost as well. 

I only know the history of my family up to my grandparents (and vaguely my great grand parents), but to go back for generations would be difficult for me; genealogy records aren’t properly preserved in my country of origin and if I do make it back to the slave trade and the indentureship, what then? 

I thought of this a bit more this evening, I thought about history, and how a large piece of my history, the strands that makeup who I am, is lost to me. In my head I know it’s a sad thing, but it doesn’t make me sad inside. Actually, I find that I’m OK with not knowing.

Now, before some misunderstand, I’m not forgetting my history, it’s there for me to see in the unknown, but, I won’t let this cloud of not knowing hijack my identity. Also, to be quite clear, my drive to define me in the now does not mean that I am turning a blind eye to the injustices of the past generations, it means that I recognize them, but I will not be bound by them, instead I will rise above them. 

I often think about the injustices of the past, I often weep over the lost identity of those who lived so long ago and the racism that still exists today because of it. I often pray that I will not walk the same path as those who walked before me, that the prejudices that were developed will not develop in me. I also often try to embrace the differences of those around me. I may not be able to tell you exactly where I am from, other than Guyana, and for now, that’s OK with me. 

Image

with the Grandmother; just because

Five Things (3)

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This set of five things is brought to you by “Finding” Nemo.

— Thing One —

Oh winter storms, you come with no respect for my plans! Nemo came, and the bright plans for brunch was slashed as I spent an hour and a half outside, shoveling snow. But, Nemo didn’t keep us down! Six of us met, later that day, for Dallas BBQ in Queens. It was great hanging with friends on a winter day 🙂 especially since the rest of the day was spent sleeping.

— Thing Two —

The week after Nemo was tinged with sadness, and I stopped the daily exercise and proper eating schedule that I had developed – sometimes you just need to comfort of potatoes, any style, doesn’t matter. However, since then I’ve been back on my running schedule and I was reminded of the fact of how much I disliked running until I met my friend Danny. We would go running for two miles in Flushing Meadow Park. He was very patient and took the time to teach me how to run properly and because of him I was able to do two miles, nonstop, which was pretty much a miracle for me. Due to this renewed burst of running and better eating habits, I’m happy to say that my winter weight is gone! Woohoo! All the weight I packed on from November to January (and a bit more) is now gone from my body, and I definitely feel more energize – though, that could also be due to the fact that I am sleeping longer hours. Sleep is really awesome and I find that uninterrupted sleep at nighttime really gives me a restful day. Yay for healthy habits! 

— Thing Three —

More Girly Time!  I had some great hang outs with girlfriends this past month. First, Tea and Sympathy with Alex, an old work-mate of mine. We had a great time enjoying T&S’s tea service and chatting about work and life. Then, I had some Ramen with C&C; it was definitely needed. Sometimes it’s easy to shut myself away during busy or difficult times, but I definitely needed to be around people on that particular Friday and I enjoyed the company of those two ladies a lot. 🙂

The following week I hung out with Eve and got some yummy Thai food (in Long Island!) and saw Identity Theft – which was hilarious! The rest of the week was a cousin-fest, from watching Amour to having dinner at The Olive Garden. I hadn’t been to Olive Garden in ages! The bread … so yum!

A few weeks after that it was Cambodian sandwiches – YUM! – and Argo Tea with E&C. Looking back at all the different food places, I feel incredibly blessed to be experiencing so many different cultures in New York.

— Thing Four —

Imagine this … You’re on the local train from Atlantic Terminal to Manhattan when you hear that it’s going on the express track, but that’s OK, the express train stops at your stop. You are listening to some music, and as the morning light peeks into the train as it slowly commences its trek over the bridge, The Violet Hour begins to play.

As the train descends, the last bell tolls, was there ever a better soundtrack moment?

— Thing Five —

Oscar Party! This is my third one, and it was great! Also, great app ABC – just make it a little less bloated and figure out what to do when there are ties and you’ll be perfect!

I had a lovely time with my friends, watching the red carpet parade and the entire show in general. I’m not really a big awards-show person, so attending an Oscar Party isn’t really something I’d have ever imagined myself doing, but, friends make everything better! Looking forward to next year!

~ * ~

Until we meet again

Until we meet again

Today your body was placed in a box and placed in the earth. I stood, watching as the earth accepted you to herself, and grieved that you have left us. You were too young.

Listening to stories from Danny’s past reminded me of the times we’d drive out to the edge of the island and he’d tell me stories of his childhood. The main theme that ran though all these stories – something I don’t think he even noticed – was his selflessness when it came to his friends and family. It’s not hard to say good things about him because he was inherently good.

I’m very glad to have known him and to have so many great memories of Danny. Even in his death he still inspires. It’s hard to imagine that someone could be so swiftly taken from this world, but it happens all the time. I want to make sure that no matter what, I always have time for my family and friends.

Danny, you are missed, but your stories live on and one day, I am so happy that I will see you again. Until then…

 

~*~