Category Archives: Thoughts

The things that go on inside of my head.

Five Things (19)

Posted in Bookish, The Telly, Thoughts by

Happy Earth Day! I spun a wheel and won a succulent.

Well, the title told the entire story, so here’s a letter to my succulent.

Dear Gregor the Succulent,
It’s not your fault I won you, but I will try to keep you alive until the next Earth Day – the one in 2024, not the one in a few days. I’ve never been a good plant mom and I really don’t want to try raising a plant, especially after I read that they cry. But I will set a reminder on my phone and hopefully, your location will provide you with the perfect amount of sunlight.
Yours,
Me.

The pollen has arrived!

Every year I fool myself into thinking that I can go without allergy meds and every year the pollen wins1. I could hate pollen for what it does to my body, but the beautiful blooms wouldn’t exist without it, so I’ll take my allergy meds and suffer through the few weeks of intense pollination to watch the flowers bloom. I don’t know why I went from zero allergies to crazy allergies, but I loved the botanical sexism theory… alas, it’s since been debunked.

23 & Me, and then some.

I was pretty bored when I was recovering from a major surgery some years ago and one of the things I did was take an ancestry test because I was curious. What’s interesting to me is that since then the breakdown of my ancestry has gotten more and more precise – for example, they can now pinpoint (with accuracy) my country of origin – it’s a footnote that while my ancestry is elsewhere people from my background are found in that country and region. I had a few unassigned percentages left – some trace ancestry that they couldn’t assign yet. Well, I recently logged in and part of that trace ancestry has been assigned as Sardinian. There’s still a tiny bit of trace ancestry left, so I’m really curious if they will figure that out someday.

My favorite thing about 23 & Me though is their algorithm thinks that I have the genetic muscle composition common in elite power athletes2. I guess I’ve missed my calling.

Some cozy media recommendations.

This year I decided that I needed more cozy in my life, I started reading more cozy books, playing cozy games, and looking for cozy shows or movies3. Cozy shows are hard to find but I discovered that Hallmark Movies & Mysteries had a lot of cozy movies based on books, my fave has been the Aurora Teagarden movies. However, a few months ago I was reintroduced to the PBS Masterpiece shows and started watching Miss Scarlet and The Duke, which I absolutely love; and which has led me to one of my new fave cozy mysteries books, the Veronica Speedwell series.

If you’re looking for a fun female protagonist who is breaking the rules and conventions of her time while also solving mysteries, then I highly recommend Scarlet and Veronica. Also, any period piece is a fave for me.

Mom…

It’s been two years and counting since I lost my mom, and every day I feel that loss. There’s so much I want to ask her, and so many things I wish she was around to see and experience. The first year I felt like I was in fixing mode — I needed to take care of everything and take care of my dad. The following year I tried to grieve but I was busy making sure that both houses were taken care of. Now I feel like I’ve found a rhythm, and I’m settling down a bit, hanging with friends again, yet in the quiet moments, it hits me and I can finally grieve.

~*~

1 Maybe this is the plants’ way of getting back at me.

2 I did run a half marathon once!

3 I still listen to my murder podcasts

And I chose you the one I was dancin’ with, in New York, no shoes… looked up at the sky and it was, maroon

– Taylor Swift

Five Things (18)

Posted in Thoughts by

Every year I tell myself I want to start blogging again. And every year I don’t because, my life is generally mundane, and I don’t want to talk publically about the interesting bits. There are no grand ideas to share and no experiences that are not common to many, so I leave it for another year.

But then I find a goldmine in my old Xanga and Livejournal from an angsty teen and nerdy college student, and the reflectiveness of those posts makes me want to blog again — the old fashion way. Maybe 2023 will be that year… or maybe this will be the only post I post until five years from now when the itch starts again.

— Thing One —

Let’s get it out of the way… I bought a thing. The thing is a house. I did it all by myself. I am proud of myself for doing this; I’m also terrified! There’s so much to learn and it’s hard not having Mom here, and with Dad being unable to help physically I find myself on Reddit and YouTube a lot, so it feels a little bit like discovering everything on my own. I do have a lot of uncles and aunts who I can call and ask for advice, which I appreciate, but as a person who has an independent streak, it’s hard to ask for advice outside of Mom and Dad.

Another thing I’m learning is that working with vendors is tough! I’ve had so many people not call me back, or come and give a quote and then ghost me afterwards. I thought it was just me until I read other people’s experiences and felt a little seen.

The one thing that I do love about this experience though is the tiny bits of joy that I find when I am looking at something I put together, like the shoe rack at the entrance, or even the simple fact that I now have floodlights and can see outside in the dark.

— Thing Two —

It feels like I’m coming out of a two-year hibernation, and seeing a changed world. Everything changed while I had to deal with loss and uncertainties. And while I know these feelings were not unique to me, seeing everything move forward as I grieved, or tried to figure out “the system” to get my dad the most help has made me want to slip back into hermitage.

I’m so thankful for the friends that I have that have continually reached out to me and kept invitations open while I figured out how to move forward. I will forever be grateful for this family.

— Thing Three —

Everyone should think of what they are leaving behind for their family. If you have anything – even if you just have a bank account – think of what happens after you pass. I could go into details, but this isn’t something I want to talk about in this format. Maybe in a few months when I have it all sorted in my own head. But estate planning is not just for the old.

— Thing Four—

Libraries and audiobooks are two of my favourite things. I love owning books, but when my personal library book count hit 800 books I knew I had to slow down. I dream of the library in Beauty and the Beast, but I don’t have the space (yet), so I did the next best thing, became a heavy user of the public library. Since 2020 I’ve borrowed over 200 books from the NYPL (and other public libraries) and almost all of them were audiobooks! It’s amazing the accessibility to audiobooks that the library provides. By reading audiobooks I was able to read 177 books in 2022.

I know it’s sometimes tough to pay attention to an audiobook. I started my audiobook run after getting comfortable listening to podcasts. Since my mind often wanders I had to train it to pay attention to what I was listening to, and the trick I found was to listen to the podcast sped up which in turn made me pay attention to what they were saying. Same with audiobooks – I find that if I listen to them at the speed my mind is thinking I pay a lot more attention than if I listen at 1x speed.

— Thing Five —

Ending on a fun note, Animal Crossing and Spiritfarer helped me through 2020 and 2021. Now cozy games are my favourite gaming genre. There are a few more that I played a lot, but these two really were the games for me and come highly recommended.

~*~

But I’ve loved you, and that won’t stop even if I’m not around anymore.

– Spiritfarer

Myomectomy: Afterwards

Posted in Thoughts by
A lengthy preamble:

The following post provides details of the first four weeks post surgery, including results from my first post-op visit.

I’m writing about my experience in hopes that others can benefit. I’m not a medical expert, this is not to advise you to have a myomectomy. Our bodies are different and it should be a personal decision made with medical consultation on how to treat/remove fibroids. 

Additionally, I hope that anyone who feels like you are alone in your experience, will realize that you are not, and perhaps someone in your acquaintance has silently undergone the same thing. Don’t let anyone judge you for your decision. Also, if you are reading this, I hope you’re not squeamish.

Part 1: Myomectomy: The Prep
Part 2: Myomectomy: The Surgery

Read Time: 11 minutes

[updated 8/6: Clothing and first period]

Weeks 1 & 2:

I read this everywhere and people told me from their own personal experience, so I’m just adding to all the past experiences by saying this: the first two weeks are the hardest.

Continue reading →

Myomectomy: The Surgery

Posted in Thoughts by
A lengthy preamble:

The following post provides details of the day of the surgery and my two-day stay at the hospital. 

I’m writing about my experience in hopes that others can benefit. I’m not a medical expert, this is not to advise you to have a myomectomy. Our bodies are different and it should be a personal decision made with medical consultation on how to treat/remove fibroids. 

Additionally, I hope that anyone who feels like you are alone in your experience, will realize that you are not, and perhaps someone in your acquaintance has silently undergone the same thing. Don’t let anyone judge you for your decision. Also, if you are reading this, I hope you’re not squeamish.

Part 1: Myomectomy: The Prep

Read Time: 12 minutes

July 6th, 2018

Before the Surgery: We arrived almost an hour early for my check-in appointment. My parents were with me, they wanted to be there when I got out of surgery. Since I completed my check-in forms online the check-in process was easy. I added my mom’s phone number so she could receive text messages when my surgery commenced and  completed. They tagged me and took us up some elevators to another set of waiting rooms.

Continue reading →

Myomectomy: The Prep

Posted in Thoughts by
A lengthy preamble:

The following post spans five years. It touches on how I first learned about my fibroids five years ago, what happened next, and my decision to not do the surgery. It concludes with this year and my decision to have them removed, including my preparation for surgery.

I’m writing about my experience in hopes that others can benefit. I’m not a medical expert, this is not to advise you to have a myomectomy. Our bodies are different and it should be a personal decision made with medical consultation on how to treat/remove fibroids. 

Additionally, I hope that anyone who feels like you are alone in your experience, will realize that you are not, and perhaps someone in your acquaintance has silently undergone the same thing. Don’t let anyone judge you for your decision. Also, if you are reading this, I hope you’re not squeamish.

Read time: 8 minutes. Continue reading →